I know a corpse when I see one.

Dear Peanut,

Life is a little sadder today.

Yesterday I realized that quite literally nobody texts me now. I can forget to check my phone the entire day and nobody will be there to say "WHAT THE HECK LADY?! I TEXTED YOU 13,057 TIMES!" at the end of it.

Besides that this morning I found out that... Remember Monica? My best friend from when I was little? Whose ghetto wedding I was supposed to be in but then wasn't? Her mom died. She was 41. She died in a hotel room in Salinas. Alone. She had just got kicked out of wherever she was living. Apparently the next day she was supposed to start rehab because of her alcohol addiction. The rehab place put her up in a hotel for just the one night.

So she drank too much and passed out in the bath tub.

She drowned. In the bathtub. Because she drank so much alcohol she passed out. The DAY before she was supposed to start rehab.

What the hell Irony?! You're such a whore!

When I was little she was like a mom to me. Like a "cool" mom... Who left her 10 year old daughter and daughter's best friend alone all night with the man who molested her when she was their age so she could go clubbing...

I guess that makes her kind of uncool, huh? I always expected her to get better though. I mean I was JUST thinking about her DAYS before I found out she died... Just thinking about how good she was. You know, underneath it all.

My mom says "That could have easily been me. We came from the same life." I guess her husband was a drug dealer too. She just veered left a little when my mom went right. And now she's just gone.

So tonight I'm going to her... viewing. I don't get why anyone would want to look at a dead person. It's disturbing to me. I mean, what am I supposed to say?

"Yup. She looks pretty dead to me! Lifeless lump of flesh and bones, this one. You guys called it!"

I'm sad but I haven't cried yet. I say I'm in shock but I think maybe I'm just numb.

I needed someone to talk to about this. You're my best friend, but I can't talk to you. So I wrote you a letter.

Love,
Leedol