Gina Vagnino AKA "Your place or mine... GINA?"

Dear Peanut,

I keep having dreams about you. Horrible dreams. That you're lost and I can't find you.

There's all these things I want to tell you but can't...

Like the other night when Nick got so excited at the mention of sex that while he was hastily trying to take off his pants he actually KNEED ME IN THE VAGINA. Straight in the vagina! The kind of pain that I haven't felt in that region since I was 7 and impaled myself on the seat of a bicycle.

What the hell, right?

On another note. We're almost all moved in. Walking into the apartment for the first time was kind of like being punched in the balls. (I used to have balls, that's how I know.)

Also my eyebrows are on strike. They'll be okay. They're quietly becoming evermore beastly and waiting for you to come back and work your magic.

Going to the beach this weekend with my parents.

Miss you.

Love,
Leedol

I know a corpse when I see one.

Dear Peanut,

Life is a little sadder today.

Yesterday I realized that quite literally nobody texts me now. I can forget to check my phone the entire day and nobody will be there to say "WHAT THE HECK LADY?! I TEXTED YOU 13,057 TIMES!" at the end of it.

Besides that this morning I found out that... Remember Monica? My best friend from when I was little? Whose ghetto wedding I was supposed to be in but then wasn't? Her mom died. She was 41. She died in a hotel room in Salinas. Alone. She had just got kicked out of wherever she was living. Apparently the next day she was supposed to start rehab because of her alcohol addiction. The rehab place put her up in a hotel for just the one night.

So she drank too much and passed out in the bath tub.

She drowned. In the bathtub. Because she drank so much alcohol she passed out. The DAY before she was supposed to start rehab.

What the hell Irony?! You're such a whore!

When I was little she was like a mom to me. Like a "cool" mom... Who left her 10 year old daughter and daughter's best friend alone all night with the man who molested her when she was their age so she could go clubbing...

I guess that makes her kind of uncool, huh? I always expected her to get better though. I mean I was JUST thinking about her DAYS before I found out she died... Just thinking about how good she was. You know, underneath it all.

My mom says "That could have easily been me. We came from the same life." I guess her husband was a drug dealer too. She just veered left a little when my mom went right. And now she's just gone.

So tonight I'm going to her... viewing. I don't get why anyone would want to look at a dead person. It's disturbing to me. I mean, what am I supposed to say?

"Yup. She looks pretty dead to me! Lifeless lump of flesh and bones, this one. You guys called it!"

I'm sad but I haven't cried yet. I say I'm in shock but I think maybe I'm just numb.

I needed someone to talk to about this. You're my best friend, but I can't talk to you. So I wrote you a letter.

Love,
Leedol